Loss

You know I have had a tremendous amount of loss in the last 5 years. 5 immediate family members and a best friend. Now only last week we had to put our horse down. No shit. Today I am so sad and miss my sister Casey so very much. The thoughts of her gone always bring tears to my eye's. Yes, those kind of tears that make you do the cry-hick-up. You know.




She was my older sister and the "One" . What made this woman so special.




Well she told me to never ever let anyone or anything change me. Never feel bad when cussing or flipping someone off. Let your creative juices flow. Do not lie and do not say anything you would not say to someones face.





Most important we had made a pact to never stay mad at one another. When we we upset or angry we would always confront each other. I can remember once there was a some family bullshit. Which is what most family shit is. And she asked to talk to me and she started crying saying that she did not know what she would out without my friendship and loyalty. I do not know if she knew what an impact she had on my life but there is not a day I do not think of her. I never understood her more then when I lost her.

She made me brave.

The day I told the hospital I was taking her home. She told me to "Get Me the Fuck Out of Here"  I can remember she asked the transport peep's to let her be outside to smell the air and look at the sky. She had been in the hospital 2 weeks. This was not a homebody girl she was all about outdoors! We set up her hospital bed up in the living room and my twin bed next to her. Ever night we would she would call my name and I would let her know I was here and I loved her. It was the last two nights I would be with her. I can still hear her the night before she passed. She called my name and I always answered "Right here Casey. I Love you and she said for the first time "I love you "more" . She lost her battle the next morning and I can now say it was the Saddest Day of my Life!

My message today is to make sure that that certain someone knows you - Really ! Hug often and learn to cuss ! Really do you really think you will go to hell fire for cussing? And bullshit that it is not lady like. You chew gum right yeah cow's chew to! xoxo

Happy Birthday Casey

Happy Birthday Casey

To the woman who taught me so much




A. How to flip people off and not give a shit! Her ability to teach us this was extremely time consuming but we got it! Even the kids

Even at her worse she proved to be quite the flipper offer! IS that a word?





Yup there she goes !











For her ability to make sure I continued the tradition Dad taught us all

 "When in doubt don't give a shit but smile like you do! "









 Be creative and find your inner artist. She would tell me "All the Clayton's have talent" and then she would flip me off!

My sister Casey was a "Creative Genius"








 She brought out my inner artist.









 And most important she made me laugh so f*&^&  hard. We would always always always Pad up. Yes we had to wear pantie pads. We would laugh so hard we would pee.

Many a times we had dropped to the ground laughing !

This is when she made Mama and me a Indian dinner she always dressed the part! LOL







Happy Birthday Casey and Thank you for You!

A letter from my Higher Power

It is early and my mind has been twirling round for the last five years. Last night I was sitting with Pa and looked at him and said. Did you realise we have never lived alone? Hummm We had the kids for all our years and then Mama moved in and now my heart is a little heavy with the thought of Mama moving on.

You all know the Poor Lil Lani story I have had five years of Bliss to say the least. One day My Higher Power said Lani I have a test for you. I was excited and said bring it on Dear Lord. It went in a nut shell like this.

Good Morning Lani you have breast cancer oh by the way we are going to do heart surgery. Twice my dear be brave. I have work for you.

Hey wait a minute I am going to let you experience a little car accident where you can say HI to all the love ones you lost but once they find your car and wake you up they will pop you into a helicopter and rush your bloody ass to the hospital.

Then just to show you how strong you can be, as if I could here "I am Woman Hear me Roar" we want you to stop being so Gosh Darn scared to drive and get your ass out to Hemet. Why you ask? Because your sister and mama are going to be diagnosed with Cancer. but I am sorry Casey has to die. But you will care for Casey while taking care of Mama and getting her to radiation.  Casey's job is done down there but I want you to know she loves you dearly and sure did appreciate your help.




 But your Mama will go into remission and Oh wait she will break her hip so I want you to take her home with you. She has gotten a little goofy but that makes it a perfect match. Be strong Lani because I could have taken you in that car accident but I told you before if you remember your job is not done yet. That is all for Now.

Have a good Day Lani!

Regards,

Your Higher Power
 P.S. Watch the truck driver mouth ! !
 

I got this letter two day's after I found out Mama's cancer is back and she is going to leave me. I am heavy hearted and very sad. But in hindsight she has spent two wonderful years with me and our family.

As we say "Thank you Babay Jesus"
 

Casey's weekend

This was one of the weekend I brought Casey down to my house to spend the weekend before she was to ill to travel...It was funny every time I tried to take a picture she would cover herself or flip me off...the nerve....When I get home I have to post some more pictures this was just a little way of checking in.....Yes I have been gone so much....I have been in Hemet taking care of Casey and Mama..... I do say the time went by to fast....If you did not know I lost my sister last Friday she put up a hell of a fight and lost the battle but Woot Woot to her and her bravery and strength.....Today was her  Party friends and family got to together to celebrate her life and what a life it was...Yes yes yes she was an ole' battle ax but I know for a fact she was the most creative person on earth....Creative you ask she was beyond creative 30 years at various studios Disney, Hanna Barbera, Filmation, Name it she worked there and the stuff she made I will be posting some of her stuff next week when I return home She was 60 so young. I had a good relationship with her out of all those 60 years we did not see each other for 5 I was raising kids she was raising hell! I learned so much from her and I Hope she learned from me from time to time....We laughed so hard sometimes we would pee our pants...We use to say "You padded up?" because we were sure to pee our pants if we were together.....I love her so and will miss her more...I am so sad but so grateful she is out of pain and in Gods hands......I promise I will post daily no pictures till i get back home next week. Still watching mom but she is in remission and getting stronger.I can not imagine what my mama is going through after her Cancer treatment and loosing her first baby girl.....Pray for her she deserves the prayers...God Bless and thanks for listenreadingish....xoxo

Go East... Come West... Go East

Ok sorry I have been so silent but good lord my life is a go-go-go even more action than I do on my own...you all know the situation but here are a few giggles

A. I go back to the desert to take mama to the doctor's one morning we needed to be at the radiology doctor at 8 am ..Ok so mama says she will wake me up the appointment is at 8am...I'm all cuddled up in my blow plastic rubber bed....Really! Mama comes in and is all dressed and says Honey it is time to go! Ok That was at 10 minutes to 8 ...are you kidding me...I almost went in my jammies...

B. I had to take Sis to the doctors she was getting sicker and so we are on our way out the door and her legs go rubber on her down she goes..I'm running back and forth thinking 911..911...Some men were walking by the house I'm in tears and ask for help...God bless them they get her up and into the walker none the worse from the fall and they say "Could you pull the car out into the street..She yells no way I will not let anyone see me this way...Again.... Really..I gab her shirt and tell her this is not  time to go all Ego on me....Into the car off to he hospital...

C. I have sis in the Er waiting for a room they want to check her in and I had to go to the car to get her something..? Carmex or something I misplaced the keys I got a bit ruffled and ran out to the hall wondering Holy moly where are they ...Low and behold they were zipped into my purse safe...She says to me Look little girl when you come back I want those keys....Really! like where is she driving to in her condition!

D. I'm at the hospital getting everything set to bring sis home with Hospice and my mama decides she is going to go on a little adventure to Target...She comes out and lost her car 20 minutes later she get it and drives down to Michales she goes in get her stuff and comes out...She could not get the darn keys into her car so she goes back inside to ask help of the kind young man..He comes out and tires an tries to ge the key in she is looking around and turns back to the  young man and says oh look my car is down there...So this guy is trying to open a car that is not even hers! Really!

Well tomorrow is anther day and I personally think I need the prayers more......Mama is Cancer Free and sis is coming home with help from Hospice keep her in your prayers!!! xoxo

Casey's first treatment

 They look pretty happy ya think...Well the Doctor is because this is the first time this facility has been able to use this new drug Yervoy it is the newest from the FDA and we are all pretty excited she gets to have it...See that smile on her face I only wish my battery did not die because once she got all set up they gave her some meds to calm her...lol...and she took a tranquilizer...lol...I went to the car to have a snack and when I came back she was in Happy Land and said..." This is awesome Lani I'm having such a good time"...lol..you had to be there ..I am in no way making light of the situation but like my mama and Casey both say attitude and laughter they are the best medicine...Hey is that why they are keeping me there for a good laugh.....Hell Yeah!

Please do not tell mama that it is not her phone she so enjoys the large size...LOL....Really she know we thought it was a funny picture see now you know where my sense of humor comes from

New blog

Hey peeps my sister has her first blog ...she is a bundle of talent and I hope she will keep it up...If you blog and would like to go visit her blog it is new and could use support...Tribe of Dollz....Thanxxxx