Sunday, June 17, 2012

Spiritual Retreat....Hummm

Ok so we look relatively happy ya think? Ok I went to this retreat two years ago. First time there very excited had a great time. So this year with all I have been through I thought hummm good place to go! Off I send my check and then I thought why not let my good friend enjoy this with me....So off she sent her money with not a thought just ok like I did.
Disclosure: This has no bearing on the retreat it works really" Just be aware of the hints.

So leading up to the retreat we both had second thought but friends they work together! I knew the moment I told my pal that Mama was not feeling well and she responded "Oh if you need to go to be with her it is ok we can skip the retreat!" LOL....  hint one.....

So bags packed we are off..bidding farewell to our honies. We are driving south on the 405 and I did mention only once that a plane almost hit another plane and my friend looked at me a bit puzzled saying "Ya think you should watch the road" Not to worry my friend I am!

Ok I love going away not that my life here is bad it Rocks! But any opportunity to get how do we say a better attitude I'm in. I have gone to this retreat prior years and it was good. So I recruit my best pal to go with me...No names to protect he innocent Shelly ...

So we arrive to the retreat and greeted at the road "Welcome" "Welcome" "Welcome" park there, drop your bags there, go park your car up the hill over there and we will be here to help you get signed in! OK that works. "Welcome" "Welcome"

Bags out, car parked hike down the hill and check in on the way to the check in table "Welcome" "Welcome" and "Welcome" My friend turns to me and says "If one more F**** person says "Welcome" I'm going to deck them. hint two

Alrighty then checked in off to get our rooms, The directions were clear. Go to the door on the right of the building go down the hall to the end make a left there is an elevator take it down to the second floor turn left go down the hall  midway you will see your rooms. By the time we got there we were in Arizona.

Your names will be on the bulletin board out side your door. How cute! Off we go to the elevator now this is a special elevator it has a door that you have to open and it opens up and down . The elevator itself is about 7 feet by 7 feet.
Just big enough to bury a body. Did I mention I am claustrophobic?

Ok we made it to the room unpackish and off to dinner. Now the food was delicious. And the coffee Starbucks oh yeah now your talkin. . It is bed time we are all tuckered out from Welcomes, Food and a couple of workshops. When we got out of the workshops it was foggy and cold. Or as my friend put it. Lani it is spooky don't yah think. Na ! It is scary like The Shining ! ok like The Shining. Look at the fog up by the church Spooky huh? Spooky yeah !

When it was time to go to our room the side door of the "C" building is locked. WAIT I know how to get there. Thinking hum we need to stay in this building and just get to the right floor. Nope Marlyn is going to get us to our rooms! third hint

Our tour guide Friday night
Now I shared once about the elevator here it has a door.No a door that open in and out like your front door. Moe like a freight elevator.  Now elevator two was different it was oak with little teeny tiny ity bity teeny weeny wire like square hole things on the walls. Like a confessional in church for those who know what I am taking about. . Now imagine 7 grown woman in this box and all I can do is pray to the good lord that this box does not stall.  buried alive I say. We go up to the fourth floor and out we spill hum this is the wrong building...Oh no follow me...Ok so down the hall we go and it is a dead end. And all the while "My friend" is making comment like. Oh wow why is the Janitor door open" " Oh look at that tiny little elevator scary" "" Oh wow this is so dark wow this is scary huh Lani?" Ok now we know we are in the wrong building. Ok so back into the elevator but alas on the way down three more woman join us in the coffin. Shit this is so wrong. I swear there were nail marks on my book from my hands clinching the book so hard. And I dare not look at anyone in the eyes I may claw them out! fourth hint

Ok it is bed time we made it the rest of the story is just to much for me and it get's betta! We get to the room and Shelly mentions how she likes to sleep with a fan on. No problem o so does my hubby. There was a fan on the wall so on we turn it. She jumps into bed gets all cuddly and I jump into bed get all cuddly I have my nook so no lights "My friend" is happy lil camper. The fan is on it is quiet all but the noise of the fan going back and forth mounted on the wall. Imagine if you might back and forth chook a chung chook a chung back and forth back and forth. But hey I'm ok I got my lil angry birds to play with in my Nook and a book or two to read. It is now 12:30ish AM I am playing my game and really trying hard not to listen too the back and forth of the fan over and over and over. But "My friend" needs it to sleep...hint...hint ...hint
After and hour I look up at the fan and think hum It must have a knob on the top to make it stop going back and forth and back and forth.I go over to "My friend" and quietly whisper as to not disturb her slumber "Shell I am going to turn the knob to make the fan stop" no response so ok. Now the only thing to stand on is the chair with the wheels. Humm danger but this fan has to stop!.So as I roll around the room holding on to the neck of the fan trying at all times to not wake "My friend" the god damn button thing does not work. Hell's Bell's

Nope our Little Angel is still asleep Look!
Ok so back to the bed I now choose to call prison and by now I am thinking Hum how good a friend is she? Does she really need the fan? If I turn it off will she notice? I went over to her bed creeping very still and look for signs of possibly waking up...None ok so I whisper in a very soft and non aggressive voice..." Friend I am going to turn the F*^@* Fan off" I crawl over to the fan turn it off and stand silent and still is  "My friend" moving ? Did she notice? Is she still sleeping?

La la lee off to bed it is now 2:30 AM I say. I crawl into bed and notice the awful silence you could hear a pin drop and roll. But better yet I had not noticed the bright lights coming in from the shutters that did not close. Really God and you call this spiritual? Ok by 4 AM I have actually passed out from exhaustion. But alas "My friend" who had a delightful nights sleep gently rock's me and asks at 6 AM  Lani ! Lani ! I am going to get a cup of coffee want one?" Are you kidding me? Oh no "My Friend"

Day two do I not look like I have the phoney balone smile. And the hair when did I start to part my bangs?Yes lack of sleep! Boy Shelly looks so rested and happy..... As do our two other friends Leather and Lace.

Well I have to lead a workshop so much for getting involved. All in all a delightful day. So it nears dinner time "Friend" and I are out side. I look her straight in the eye and say so ya think you want to leave tomorrow before lunch? Don't get me wrong we can stay and hear the speaker just ya know beat traffic? 
 Well sure ! Feeling her out I mention that tomorrow is my birthday and I just would love to spend it with my hubby! Does she miss her honey? ZWhat are you doing tomorrow ? I throw a few other hints on when to go home. By the time we are done we have planned when we will pack our bags and how to escape tonight!!!
You would think we were in prison the way we planned our escape.

While everyone was eating desert we kindly excused ourselves ran to our room packed our bags. Strategically placed them by the door so after the Saturday night meeting we could escape. Good Lord we paid them to come here we are not prisoners of spiritual war!!!But after the meeting we ran to the car. Raced down the hill and besides that that truly was scary I do have to say "I feel like a little angel, so how do you say Spiritual"

I did hit the chapel a few times for forgiveness for my thoughts.

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