Loss

You know I have had a tremendous amount of loss in the last 5 years. 5 immediate family members and a best friend. Now only last week we had to put our horse down. No shit. Today I am so sad and miss my sister Casey so very much. The thoughts of her gone always bring tears to my eye's. Yes, those kind of tears that make you do the cry-hick-up. You know.




She was my older sister and the "One" . What made this woman so special.




Well she told me to never ever let anyone or anything change me. Never feel bad when cussing or flipping someone off. Let your creative juices flow. Do not lie and do not say anything you would not say to someones face.





Most important we had made a pact to never stay mad at one another. When we we upset or angry we would always confront each other. I can remember once there was a some family bullshit. Which is what most family shit is. And she asked to talk to me and she started crying saying that she did not know what she would out without my friendship and loyalty. I do not know if she knew what an impact she had on my life but there is not a day I do not think of her. I never understood her more then when I lost her.

She made me brave.

The day I told the hospital I was taking her home. She told me to "Get Me the Fuck Out of Here"  I can remember she asked the transport peep's to let her be outside to smell the air and look at the sky. She had been in the hospital 2 weeks. This was not a homebody girl she was all about outdoors! We set up her hospital bed up in the living room and my twin bed next to her. Ever night we would she would call my name and I would let her know I was here and I loved her. It was the last two nights I would be with her. I can still hear her the night before she passed. She called my name and I always answered "Right here Casey. I Love you and she said for the first time "I love you "more" . She lost her battle the next morning and I can now say it was the Saddest Day of my Life!

My message today is to make sure that that certain someone knows you - Really ! Hug often and learn to cuss ! Really do you really think you will go to hell fire for cussing? And bullshit that it is not lady like. You chew gum right yeah cow's chew to! xoxo